What is not to be misunderstood in any way is that rape is definitely the most heinous crime any person can commit. The physical, psychological and emotional repercussions are immense to a point that they are virtually beyond description, but what is often misunderstood is the motivation for the crime being committed in the first place.
Contrary to popular belief, the motivation for the majority
of rapes that occur in the world is not male lust. This false perception, when
tied in with the grossly offensive and outdated notion that women have to act
in some kind of proper way in order to be the custodians of sex and procreation
because men are incapable of controlling their sexual urges, is also directly
responsible for the victim blaming that occurs when a rape takes place. Victim
blaming, refers to the notion that the woman somehow encouraged her own rape by
dressing in some provocative way or responding to the rapists initial sexual
advances and incidentally, female jurors in the USA statistically show a higher
proclivity for victim blaming than male jurors do. But if lust is not the
motivation for the vast majority of rapes, what is?
In broad terms and without getting into too much psycho
babble, the two most common motivations for rape is male insecurity and male anger.
Insecure men (even those who do not show it) turn into what
is termed humiliation rapists and their insecurity stems from a feeling of
inadequacy with regards to women or other men that is often due to personal
aspects like educational or professional failures, social awkwardness, broken
or violent homes as children and in some extreme cases overly aggressive or
seductive mothers. Humiliation rapists then seek to reaffirm their own manhood
through the physical and emotional humiliation of their victims. Due to their
insecurity and often cowardice, humiliation rapists tend to operate by conning
their victims into a situation or location that would facilitate the commiting
of the crime.
Anger rapists on the other hand rape because they project
their anger at a certain person onto their victims. The anger most often stems
from having had “unhealthy” homes as children with a pattern of drug or alcohol
abuse, but religious or political extremism has been quoted in some cases. Unlike the
humiliation rapists they are known for professional success and social
adeptness, which makes them more dangerous than humiliation rapists, even
though they show a less frequent pattern of rape. Anger rapists seek an outlet
for their anger (sexual gratification in some instances) through the suffering
and, in many cases, the death of their victims. Anger rapists also use the con
method of attacking their victims due to their social abilities, but they are
far more criminally sophisticated and organised, which makes them more likely
to use a blitz attack, like abducting a victim from a public place like a
parking garage.
What becomes clear from this is that the mere notion that “we
should educate men that rape is wrong” would be rather ineffectual and that the
most power to stop this scourge on our country lies in the hands of potential
victims. I also find it a case of too little too late when a rapist is jailed
when viewed through the eyes of a particular victim because it does not undo
the damage that has already been done. This brings us to the next question; is
it possible to spot a potential rapist?
As a matter of fact, it is. All rapists (and abusers too)
share certain character traits that could assist one in identifying men that
could be prone to rape and spousal abuse. Any combination of the following
thirteen behavioral traits (where it forms a habit) indicates a higher likelihood that you are dealing
with a potential rapist or abuser.
1.
Insensitivity
towards others/emphasis on self – Does he place an unhealthy emphasis on
his own needs, feelings and well-being often with a blatant disregard for
others? He feels the world owes him everything he wants or needs and will try
to make you feel bad for not doing what he wants.
2.
Belittling
comments or behaviours towards others – Does he habitually make nasty
comments about other people with regards to race, income, social standing or
gender, even under the guise of joking? If he can consider himself superior to
others based on whatever criteria, then he can consider himself superior on the
basis of gender too.
3.
Negating
behaviour or comments – Does he try to tell you what you are thinking or
feeling or more importantly what you are not? If he can attempt to project his
feelings or thoughts onto you, what is to stop him from doing the same thing
sexually?
4.
Hostile
or threatening language – What choice of words does he use? An habitual
choice of words, like calling women “bitches,” indicates a subconscious
assumption about certain topics and doing something is not that far removed
from thinking about it.
5.
Bullying –
Does he make constant use of overt or subtle threats? Bullies are cowards by
nature and will always get violent (as opposed to the threat of violence) with
someone they consider weaker and safer. Bullying can quite easily turn sexual
too.
6.
Excessive
anger – Does he go off at the slightest little thing? This can indicate
that there is much lingering anger already and that he will need to vent at
some stage. Virtually nothing stands in his way of doing this sexually.
7.
Brooding/Revenge
– How long does he hold on to anger? Men like this have to win at all costs
and will often turn their attention to those who refuse their sexual advances.
8.
Obsession
– Why can’t he get the message? Closely tied in with no.7, this is most
commonly seen with acquaintance rapes, because the constant rejection of his sexual
advances can turn to anger; do not be alone with him.
9.
Extreme
mood swings – Does he go from being very happy to extremely sad at the drop
of a hat? Men like this can often use their “hurt feelings” as justification
for an unlimited amount of violence and damage. A common indication of people
with anger issues.
10.
Physical
Tantrums – What does he do when he gets angry? Men who often launch an assault
on their environment can easily turn their violence on you.
11.
Jock or
Gorilla mentality – The jock mentality promotes the use of violence and
aggression in order to achieve some goal through positive reinforcement and is
common among participants in contact sports. It could often cause them to fail
to differentiate between the sports arena and normal life.
12.
Mean
Drunks – A person’s actions when intoxicated always show what lurks
underneath. Do not put yourself in a situation where you have to deal with him
alone and most importantly, ensure that you are in full control of your faculties.
13.
Alcohol
or Drug Abuse – The overwhelming majority of rape cases involve some form
of intoxication on the part of the rapist. The drugs don’t necessarily cause
him to rape, but it diminishes the social taboo of actually doing it. Be
careful.
Do note that not all men who exhibit these traits are
rapists or spousal abusers and that certain rapists will exhibit very few or
none of them depending on their criminal sophistication, but they are clear
danger signs that this man can turn violent.
For Melissa’s sake, I won’t call this a manual, so let’s
call it a guide.
